Sunday, 20 September 2015

Tales from the Realm of Chaos part one.

Hey all, I'm still busy as a rabid beaver unfortunately, but Olgier and I have managed to get around the rulebooks to at least contemplate playing another game in the near future.
Having completed my swamp terrain we decided it was high time it saw a battle or three!

After dusting off the (admittedly PDF) copies of Slaves to Darkness and Lost and the Damned we started on the slightly amusing adventure that is rolling up a Chaos champ and his/her retinue =)

My Champ turned out quite well (total surprise given my usual propensity for dismal character stats...) and Olgier's SECOND attempt also came up with a usable acolyte. I wont waste time upon them at this point as there will hopefully be far more to come.

But what I will share with you is the tale of Olgier's first attempt at a champion...
In the finest traditions of Lothar Bubonicus and Werner Thunderfist, I present;

The Saga of Heinlager McGoatKind

This is the saga of Heinlager.

It was to be a fateful day, that thirteenth day of the thirteenth month of the thirteenth year of the epoch of the thirteen lost Saints of the thirteen moons. Some would come to regard that day as a Monday.

But it was upon this day that Heinlager McGoatKind, who was both filled with hatred and a longing for revenge, sealed his pact with Tzeentch. Stealing away into the most secret of the latrines under his care, he cursed his peers and his overlords and swore to gain his eternal dominance over them all. Whispering dark nothings into the swirling long-drop, he pledged his mortal soul to Lord Tzeentch and bellowed with shrill mouse like squeekings of the promises he would fulfill in the Dark One's name.

Many weeks passed.

 Heinlager, more embittered and resentful than ever, wept salty tears of frustration and disappointment. But The Changer of Ways had not abandoned him, and late one night called to his devotee from the beyond. Heinlager, running blindly through the cold winter night, enveloped by the raining gusting blackness, came at last to the edge of his tiny village. With his lungs burning and his knees weak he cursed his apparent lack of fitness and, wheezing as a man twice his age might, made his way into the nearby forest.

It was here that Tzeentch branded Heinlager.

 A small rash appeared upon his rump, which in the right light could almost pass as the twisting S of the Great Magician. Emboldened by this Heinlager spread his arms wide and accepted the first of his master's blessings. Tzeentch - moving in his cryptic unknown ways sought to reward his follower in a manner appropriate. A great burning light flowed from the ether onto Heinlager, diminishing his already unmanly frame to a mere two thirds of its original size. Puzzled, but not wanting to appear ungrateful, Heinlager shrugged and strode on through the forest, eager to find underlings worthy of his cause.

He did not have to travel far, for which he was most pleased as his legs were no stronger than before and were now a lot shorter... To a dimly lit copse he alighted and he came upon the most hideous child he had ever laid eyes on. On taking a second look Heinlager realised the child was actually a Goblin and pleaded with 
the creature of Chaos to stop kicking him in the crotch long enough for him to show that the Mark of the Changer was upon him.
The Goblin, still not mightily impressed, asked Heinlager to prove his claim or be turned into a pair of underpants. Scoffing at the green wretch's lack of faith he once again threw his arms to the universe and issued forth garbled yabberings to his Otherworldly Master.

And Tzeentch once again rewarded his annoying underling.

Blending the infinite magics of the very stars with cheap taxidermy, Tzeentch covered his diminutive flunky with a matted, mousey brown fluff. So thick was this coat of evil smelling hair that Heinlager would never again feel the need for human clothing! 

Snarling in triumph Heinlager challenged the Goblin to follow him into Daemonhood. Bemused by this but having nothing better to do that day, the Goblin agreed.

Long and twisted were the pathways travelled by Heinlager and the Greenskin, who was by now dubbed 'Nob-end' by Heinlager, as the Goblin's greater height did much to anger the mighty Champion of Chaos.

After much bickering and twisting of nipples in the depths of the forest did the pair arrive at a small hamlet.Feeling the hate swell in his breast and the longing for human suffering in his heart Heinlager at once called upon his Lord and master for a boon one final time.

Wide eyed and laughing insanely, Heinlager accepted his final gift from the Changer. Bursting forth from his mortal trappings and with his now mindless brain dribbling out of his misshapen ears he towered above the trembling Nob-end as a Chaos spawn!

Reaching down to the tiny green fetal form, the thing that had been Heinlager ate the unfortunate Goblinoid, defecated loudly, and then ambled back into the forest.

So ends the Saga of Heinlager.     



  1. So it goes, on and on :D

    That character creation sounds all too familiar. Usually, after a few good gifts/attributes & games your characters end up with extremely debilitating traits. To the point that they can't walk, talk or chew gum at the same time. Ending in them being relegated to riding on a horsey or palanquin.

    I'm not sure if this was a deliberate act by the GW design demonstrate how rare a mere mortal rose to the rank of Daemonhood. Or, if they hadn't play tested it enough to see how damned hard it was. Either way I'm not convinced. But it's still a fun game non the less.

    One of my friends rolled up an awesome character a few years ago....a Giant who had vampire abilities. We banned him from even fielding such an uber leader.

    By the way, the PDF of "The lost and the damned" that you have. Is it complete? Coz the one that was kicking around on the net for a while was. When I printed mine up a few years ago I had to fill in a few missing pages by photocopying some from original copy.

    Cheers Ace :)

    1. Haha! It was a blast =)
      It was also really nice to write something up again, I used to do that all the time but I don't have to tell you how life goes eh?

      I'd go with a lack of play-testing THB. Not that I would bag them for it, they still came up with the goods! Sometimes I wonder if it is the little inconsistencies that these games of yore had that make us love them so much? That Giant sounds awesome! I would have let him use it just to see what would happen when he was rewarded further! I was THIS close to rolling up a 'Were-Troll' as a follower...

      About the PDF, I'm not sure actually I haven't had the time to get all the way through it but it seemed to have all the bits we needed to roll up the warbands? Olgier luckily has the 3rd Ed rulebook and WHFB Armies so we do have the joy of a little hardcopy reference =)

      Glad you enjoyed it, I might have to do some more!

      All the best